Mucatha na Klit mko wapi?is there a possibility mko pamoja? ...

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Fellow Ladies and gentlemen, good morning. There is a brand of personalities that have emerged and are growing in numbers. majority are made of people who had their hearts broken or someone stepped on their toes whether intentionally or untenitionally. they have carried the grudge all their lives and believe in a blanket condemnation of any species that resembles the person who hurt them.

Free spirits they are calling themselves and there are both men and women. they have sworn never to marry or engage in the opposite sex since they want to be free. i ask free from what? they claim to be free but in my own opinion they are slaves of their anger, indifference, deceit, vergence etc. i say forgive and forget and move on with your lives. human beings are human beings not angels.

have a blessed day villagers and for those who are not married....marry if God blesses you with a good partner. ...

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Sorry but I am bashing Moi as part of my celebration of promulgation of the new constitution this week...

Nyayo Pioneer.
This fool had the audacity to imagine Kenya would manufacture cars while it was importing match boxes and nails from China.He thought making cars was as easy as milking cows or herding goats.The project failed miserably.

Nyayo Bus Service.
Only fools can think that buses run on water.The buses charged half price.How were the supposed to be fuelled.The little peanuts made from those pathetic stupid green buses was then “eaten” by the baboon and his cronies.

Nyayo wards.
The main purpose of this project was to give contracts to the high and mighty in the Nyayo error government,pay them upfront and make sure they do not finish the buildings.Atleast I can see the Kibaki Govenment has completed some of these buildings.

NYS Housing project at Ruaraka.
Like the Nyayo Wards,contracts were given,money paid and the houses not constructed.People got rich.

Nyayo Tea Zones
The main purpose of this project was to grab Mau Forest and plant tea in it. Well you know where Kaptich Tea Factory is and who owns it!!

Nyayo National Stadium.
Was that a stadium by any chance?Well,under the new regime,it can now be called a stadium.

Uhuru Project.
How could someone even imagine pulling some drunkard out of nowhere and make him president of Kenya.The project failed miserably.

Moi International Airport.
Only a fool can build an airport for goats,I have never known goats to fly!!
Even the local Kabunde Airstrip in Homabay has more planes landing on it than this Eldoret football field.If Moi wanted kujenga uwanja ya kuanika mahindi he would have just said so!!.Ni mbuzi inalala hapo!!!

Nyayo Milk Project..
Kama ulikunyua hii maziwa ata wewe ni bure kabisa!!!

24 yrs of this bulshi t yawa!!!!Haki tulikuwa mafala sana!!!
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Moi is one reason I don’t want to watch TV.After plundering the country together with his cronies for the 24Years he was in power,he has the audacity to go round telling Kenyans to reject the constitution which he failed to deliver.As I said before,this NO outfit is just former Kanuists trying to protect their ill gotten property.Looking at the NO lineup,you just see the WHO IS WHO of the Moi error.Just look at the Zakayo Cheruiyots,the Rutos,the Jirongos and the whole bunch of thieves trying to,lie to us..They should know that Kenyans are wiser than those days we use to sing “Tawala Kenya tawala”.Just for the very reason that Moi is against this draft,it must be good.I have never known Moi to stand for anything good.

Moi was one of the people who presided over the inclusion of Kadhi’s Courts in the constitution during the Lancaster House talks.Now he says they are bad for us.This Moi and his henchmen just run everything down,everything.Just yesterday I had the opportunity to drive along Nakuru-Mau Summit road,its fantastic,where was all this money during Moi’s time.

There is electricity in my village,there are road works all over the place,where was all this money?
Kwa hivyo hii nyani anyamaze pamoja na hao tumbili wengine wenzake,tupate new constitution!

Kibaki,you have done a good job and we gonna send you home with a new constitution as a present,lakini wacha hii maneno ya ku turn villages into districts pwana!
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We all know of the recent attack that was made by Al-Shabaab militants on Sunday during the closing moments of the FIFA World Cup on Sunday in Uganda.

I am not a muslim but there are a few things about Islam that I am sure i know of.

First off, i have grown to believe that Islam is a more staunch religion than Christianity, by this i mean that Islam has by very many ways proven that it is more strict than Christianity. That is why you will find Muslims doing more good than Christians, because they have an oath to their religion which binds them strongly and permanently. Muslims are known world over to be strict about their stuff, they follow all the scriptures of their Holy book and they never want people messing with their religion. True to this, try and insult a Christian using his religion and chances are that he will not do anything, but walk away. But try and insult a Muslim and you will suffer the consequencies.

I also know that in Islam there are people who they refer to as infidels or kafirs, people who are said to be against the religion and thus who should not be associated with. I do not know who infidels are in the real Islam context and I would also like clarification on that also.

So can any muslim in the house justify to me, especially from the Holy book Koran, where the actions of the Al-Shabaab militants on Sunday are justified.

The Holy Bible does not condone revenge, infact there is a verse in the Bible that says, when someone slaps you, you should also turn your other cheek and let them slap you there too.

But what about the Muslims, why is it that this religion banks so much on revenge? Why is it that whenever someone does you wrong, you have to retaliate by doing equal or more harm to you? Doesn't your Holy book preach about forgiveness? Does your Holy Book justify killing innocent lives as being a good thing?? Why is it that Muslims will kill in the name of Allah? Does the Koran justify Jihads??

My muslim brothers and sisters, lets talk

CAUTION TO LISTERS: Let us not take this opportunity to bash out at other religions. ...

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What really happened? – A run-up to that fateful Friday

Thursday 9th June 1600hrs - Hannifa’s perspective.

I swear if I hear that shakira song just once again I’ll go into fits and start foaming from my mouth. I’ve been here since 2pm. I donno if those folks are still coming. I decide to order a second plate of fries and some muturaz.. nice and spicy…the mince meat and pili pili kind…not those ones for blood and horse testicles.

We still have not been talking. I call up his number just once more to check out if there’s possibly anything forthcoming. I dial the number but a second before the first ring some sought of fear grasps me and I decide to abort the call. I’m really confused right now. I don’t even know what I would have told Wash if in case he decided to answer the phone.

Kazi has been kinda messed up. I’ve lost touch kiasi doing things half heartedly and stuff. So this deal should be ya mwisho before I take a holiday and lay low for a while get my balls together. I don’t like doing this. When I mix biashara with this tu-shady-shady deals on the sides…fine the chumz are there. Lakini there is something this stuff does to my confidence. Anyway I was enjoying my bucks more even upto last year. Clean crisp notes earned from genuine sweat. I miss those days when I could give out a thousand bob note to the cashier and while he struggles to check if it is real I’d be like son?? Don’t you know what I went through to get that? Nowadays I sweat money and I don’t carry any pride in it. No wonder I spend it so fast to cure that guilt that comes with holding it.

So that’s it for me. Leo I’ll do ya mwisho kabisa. Then I sign out of that storo.


After the deal.

He keeps checking his phone every now and then. He looks around. Every slight hissing of the CityHoppa brakes scares him and he smiles in approval as he turns back to face me upon realizing that it is just a passing car. I hurry the paper work so that I spare him from the agony. The guy at the car gets a bit fidgety. He chucks, stands in between the open door and the car and lays his elbow on the roof of the car. He licks his lower lip as he adjusts his sunglasses. I cannot really tell if he is Arab/Pakistani. I cannot rely on the ID, these guys have a habit for fake documents. They ferked me up big time sometime in Feb because of that…thanks to ***** who called the guys in black suits and agreed on some out of court settlement (okay that means $$$$$$$ in case you don’t get). It is good to be connected to a fellow lady in the chamber. That day I had to split the bounty half half. Yeah those are the kind of people you vote!!! So I finish penning the last paper work. The guys speed off in their Mitsubishi gallant, white in color...red number plates. (Yeah I know ….they aren’t clean either. In fact the one I took after had a single digit before the K and the CD). I carry the care ...

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Quite a number Ignored the church service...... they just showed up at the reception.

All agreed to buy those six in a pack Arcoroc/Luminat drinking glasses.....as zawadi. The ones for 80/= I think this was on Kedo's listing on Friday night. Akina kitheresh, lavida, hanifa, afriqdef are wearing their african regalia and shiny jewellery and sunglasses under a special tent. Lovemat gives some kid 50 bob to go and kick the wheel cap to her red alpha romeo, the kid obliges and after 3 minutes everyone is turning to see which car has it alarm screaming. She gets up straightens her dress and glides atop the lawn. Presses the remote and the alram goes off, lights flash once and the sunroof rolls shut. @jkatende & @Datamax are going insane.

Cucu mrembo:: ***She greates me warmly** ' Ahhh HalfJadhe....Do you remember me???' Then she reminds me of how she fed me cerelac when I was 6 months. She reitarates 'Mummy was just in college' Whhhaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!! Saa hiyo ol'lady had lied to me about how she was married in a church ceremony ...after graduating and 3 years into her first job....already paid 12 months out of her mortgage.

Kurutu: Hi i'm kurutu. I understand you are Serengeti????
Me: Hi but no im...halfja...
Kurutu: Wow praise...glory...wow. I like the pictures you take and upload. Which camera's were u using.
Me: Those are actually old newspaper scans but...yeah. Im not Sere
Kurutu: Did you say Ceres??? There's juice ... good. *Turning my shoulder around* In that case Bro.Serengeti... si please get me two boxes while you are there. Ive already taken 2 and they will notice something if I go ...

Elsewhere Kasmall is talking to some coasto guy. He is helping her remove two goats from a Datsun 1200 pickup. I think they are gifts. Njamba sees the goats and quickly wipes his hands with a serviette and goes to check out 'whats going on'. Bemupamlume is at the gate arguing with protocol that he forgot to read the 'only one visitor' part of the invitation. Otherwise he is in a shiny suit...posh car (u know those new Folk's Wagon van's)

First on the podium to speak is @Emkei. He talked for half an hour. Dr.Jakenya kept gesturing at him to put the Microphone straight facing the mouth. I cant quite seem to collect anything he said.
'....whisper jabber whisper mumble whisper....Raila....whisper jabber whisper mumble whisper...ODM......' 'So I wish you all the best in life' I tried guys ... I tried to listen.

@Admin__Was handling the Public Address. The feedback in the microphones was crazy. Elec kept on messing him up. He then kept on standing behind the tent. He puts his biro juu ya maskio then he lights up a sporto. He had nice choice of music though. THumbs up.

Next on the podum

@fancyface: Mimi sina mengi. But if you want to go for a honeymoon I propose you go to jkshssf resort. Huko you will be p ...

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I've nearly died. Twice. Due to smoking. My chest clogged up. Ever been choked or choked on something? That feeling of not breathing overwhelms you and you start going into shock, making you breath faster, which i couldn't. adding more shock to the shock........ Its not the best experience, i'll tell you that. So 1st time it happened, the clinic was 5 mins away, yani hapo tu kwa stage. It took me an hour to get there coz i couldn't breath! I couldn't walk 3 steps without pausing for 5 mins to catch my breath. i couldn't even make out a full sentence to ask for help. After what seemed like an eternity I eventually reached the clinic, was given a shot that helped me out, paid the cashier, then what did i do next? I lit up a cigarette outside the clinic.....................Honestly, that was the most stupid thing i have ever done! I mean, that was the mother of them all.

Few months later, same thing. Can't breath. Its 12.30AM, in bed wide awake (had moved house nearest hosi was far). Hakuna gari, hakuna mat. Luckily bro had an inhaler which partially sorted me out. (i won't even get started on how i got from my bed to his room) Woke up in the morning and lit my usual 'after breakfast' cigarette. If kuna watu wajinga hii dunia, ni wavutaji sigara. And i was one of them. Smokers wait to get sick so that they can get a reason to quit. And they don't.

I don't do that anymore. And boy am i glad i don't! I like the new 'smoke-free' me. I like, actually enjoy, being healthy, smelling the morning dew, waking up without sh*tty morning breath (GROSS), being able to kiss my fiancee bila kupewa macho zile za 'honey i love you i really do, but you stink'. I like not going to the hospital, not getting an anger fit if i don't get my hourly nicotine dose. In short i've come to like and appreciate alot of things since i quit. So wacha nibondwe na hio basi ya dede kesho. Its ok. I'll die knowing I wasn't taken away by ignorance.

Click here to beat ignorance.


spliff* - Free and Healing for Three Months, Twenty Three Days, 15 Hours and 11 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 4 Days, by avoiding the use of 1156 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $116.18. ...

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I loved my sister very much. she was the youngest in our family of 3 boys and 5 girls. wangari was beautiful in every turn and i must confess we adored her. finally she grew up to be a lovely girl. she could not understand why i and other sisters choose to get married and live a dedicated family life. she chose the other route and soon she was sleeping around with who was who is our community and was unapologetic for her love of money, more money , men and fame. she drove the best cars, dinned in the best hotels and made shopping abroad. one day she became sick and was bed ridden for months. i could preach to her to accept Jesus as her personal saviour but she could not hear non of it. she was sturbon but one day when i had gone to visit her in hospital she called me and said.' i have accepted'. she died several weeks later and was buried in a polythene bag. if only she had listened to our advice. RIP dear wangari.

dedicated to all my grand daughers and daughters in the village. ...

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Shoe factor

At the kiosk, I decide to buy 3 mandaoz. I was going to be alone in the house anyway and I didn’t feel like buying a whole mkati. Mkanyoz for siku hizi anyway have become too flimsy. I can’t even pakaa blueband without them tearing. I reach my house and a cold chill down my spine.

Nothing in weird in particular. Lakini, the torn piece of matchbox paper I squeezed between the gates before I left had dropped. A look at the padlock…oily prints. Someone was definitely here. I walk inside. The sprinklers are running like normal. What’s this? Okay two sets of foot prints? One set light…tuseme someone who was wearing slipoz or something like that. Probably female. The other, light weight but still bigger anyway. That upper sole grove is for timberlands. Must be a dude but I do not want to conclude. A not so built dude and probably 5’11”. (Don’t ask why the sharp instincts. My dad was X-marines. Posted in North Eastern 83-94. Decorated with honors. I guess its how I was brought up).

I reach the door. No breakages no nothing. Nothing missing inside or outside in the compound. No strange perfume. I sit down to watch TV. I settle for klub kiboko. Quick cup of coffee from the Microwave. Then some kshhh!!! kshhhh!!! Sound. Some quite then the sounds again. Okay someone def is in my back yard. I tip toe to the kitchen side…peek through the kitchen door. Relief! I see Mama Boi’s headband….you know the blue ones for women’s guild? I open the back door and her weave almost fell off “Aki Wash!!! Umenistua!!!!” Aki roundi hii si uko na manguo nyingi jameni???” She is the lady who comes to wash clothes then goes. My current housie is on maternity leave.

I’m shy to ask her how she entered lakini. Sometimes I feel like she kujaz and gives herself work and forces a bill on me…but maze ukiskia testimony yake you will sympathize. We do a little plastic chats and smiles then she finally bombs me with a comment. “Na Wandesh Siku hizi haukai kama uko na furaha? Kwani kazi inakupeleka aje?” I deny deny deny! Everything is fine. I brave a smile. I leave for her a 2 soc then head back to my chair wondering what the hell now. No cash and I don’t feel like going to the MPesa.

I get up to go to “the base” and while I boot the systems, Mama Boi knocks the kitchen window and I go back to chekii whats up. She rinses her hands quick then steps out of the SQ bathroom wearing her medium-heeled sandals. “Mimi wacha ni rudi practice. Tuonane Tuesday!!!!”

I’m at the comps once again then the brute chill comes back to my mind again. Wait a minute, if shes wearing heels, then whose……
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Tots and boots

From Haniffa's point of view

I have been driving for hours and I do not even know where I am going. Last time I ate was yesterday morning. I am over-hooting at guys on the road. Damn you bustard driving a Toyota Premio. Damn you again. I pass by Mombasa road’s c****l centre. I walk into the store and look around. Nice rags for sale, hey an iron box with pink linings. A rack of CDs …. An old album of Mercy Myra, Some Kale Choirs, Children’s Storybook CDs. Not my stuff! Nothing quite. I buy myself chocolates. 2 fudges and a mint choc.

Thirty minutes later, I have driven to Kilimani sides. I branch sides of lavington green. Used to sneak here to grab some smokes in my high school days. Got suspended once. I almost didn’t finish my IB for that! Heady just hurumiad me coz I was among the chops. I was demoted from being a prefect lakini. Right around kidogo I come across my former Primo. Hey! The kids at the slides. I Miss the uniform. I leave the engine running and walk to the fence. Cars are kinda many today (Parents day kumbe). A kid falls at the slides. The mom rushes to her. Cute kid cute mom. She daraz the kid kidogo she starts smiling again…I start smiling. The dad comes too, squats and the three are holding each other. I smile more then suddenly this grey cloud!!! Some heaviness in my mind. Then a voice. “Madam…may I help you?” The toothless watchie. Bloodshot eyes like he hasn’t slept since NARC came to power. I stare at him a bit as memories start registering in my mind. Wait!! I know this guy! He gets a queer twist on his chin as he pockets…steps back a bit then apologizes ashamed as he turns away…pretending not to remember the other night!! I just put both my hands on my head and turn back towards my Audi A8. Balancing tears as I realize who…no….what I had become in under a month. So what am I talking about here!!!!

18 days before – Time 10:30 – Location: Kengeles Bar & Restaurant Waiyaki way

The Impala floodlights have just ended. Don’t know who has won. I am catching a fruit juice. Night is lively. Hecklers all over. Some drank comes over and makes fun of my drink. Dude has a pot and has peed his trousers yellow. I turn around and ignore. A matter of time before some youngish guy comes and grabs his hand says some stuff in conq sheng and leads him away. 2 minutes later “May I have a Bacardi breezer?” “A viceroy tot for the lady.” I’m the only chic at the parapet facing the parking. He comes closer … a hunk BTW!! Same dude who led the drank away….different accent! Now he is twanging kiasi…lil more swag but the lunje influence is selling him out. Vijana wa siku hizi. I flash down the tot say thanks and stay disinterested. He still insists. So I ask him if he thinks he will get into my pants just coz of that. Bill comes and he chucks his waller. A thao in it and a couple of twos. No bias. I’m cool. Then the Nairobi Uni School ID. Woiye Haha. Oh yeah th ...

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What the hell is this guy trying? I thought the most hardcore of the Karaoke DJs went with the curly kit. Then across us is this chic who keeps screaming and dashing to the dance floor every other song. Maaaan TID….(This Is Dar). Only weird is that bullk of the guys surrounding me are Kenyan Kuyos. Is there anywhere in this planet bila us kyuks?? Im sure I’ll go up the Tibetan mountains to consult Dalai Lama and some kyuk will be like “Mzee amelala…ulitakaje braza.”

Yep! Kilimanjaro Hotel Kempinski. Hanifa and I have been staying here for say 8 days now. We were in a different hotel but t’was more expensive for worse service so Kili is the place. Oh…and there’s a Cocktail bar!!! Got into a fight so far…ran over a police roadblock (by mistake) and wawawa!! Its been a busy week so evenings is the only time we get to switch off our phones and relax…have a ferk or two. Not home sick at all.

Hanifa has good friends. She got 3 other Israelis visiting as we work together on this projo. We’ve been doing trips to the port like crazy. I’m getting to see a lot of how her business works….lakini still there are those parts she’s like “sweets…excuse us a bit we need to discuss something confidential”. Juzi she excused herself to the ladies and delayed. I got reliable intel (from a night shift bartender who I’ve slowly befriended) that she sneaked out to the parking lot and handed a flash disk to a crafty looking character. I’m not ready yet to confront her on that.

Back on Klist I guess things look okay…too quiet though. Kinda boring too. No mischief so far. It was one of my fears…leaving Dorothy in charge of the server and Admin issues while I was away. Sana sana with the influx of you know who!!!!
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She's sending really mixed emotions today. Is someone pulling her strings? She later clears the plates and then!!!!! She unleashes the shocker!!!!!!

You are coming with me!!!

She stands reading my face....gathering my reactions. Women wah!! Women!!! I'd really want to go and all the same there's all this stuff I cant leave hanging!! Damn! Wow!! You want me to kuja with you to Dar??? First of all....what's the?' 'It's business...and yeah Its all on me!!' She interjects. Okay my issue wasn't hmm. Dar...on her account. Never been there. But figuring out how not so much I know about her buzna i figure out why not...I mean really!!

So when are you leaving?? I try hard not to speak in plural yet. She grins and closes her eyes and says 'Kesho kutwa....monday!'

You know my answer! I say reluctantly. But still manage half a smile. I grab her and pull her closer and suggest some shopping...on me!! Tomorrow perhaps?? We sit kidogo...finalizing some paper work she carried home. I cross check som quotations before she attaches some sticky notes on them as instructions to a few juniors in her office. I really like go getter women...compared to me??? Hanifa makes me feel like the jobs I do are the hustler jobs in campus u know? printing and selling blank CDs? Typesetting, CD writing pirated music? blablabla! But yet she shows alot of faith in my ambitions. She's checked out my website quite often chekaz at some listings and frowns at some. She keeps tabs on my ebay bizna...the rentals and others. But her buisna!! Its quite ....how do you even pronounce LOGISTICS????

It was getting late and the open kitchen design in her house just made the sitting room more humid. SHe goes to bed and I follow up an hour or so later. Reality TV is just addictive.



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Okay its getting confusing sasa. These 2 chics are just...wacha tu! There's the kadinywa in ngets office who I keep bonking and forgeting her name and then there's hanifa!!! Wow. My dream bubble busts up as she chucks from the kitchen carrying the pancakes. I dont know why she's staring at me like that. ...wait those weren't pancakes. I gather that they are Njera (some rice flour chapoz).

Before she dashes back for the mince she grabs my arm right above the elbow!!!! She says 'Im about to leave for Dar!! for like 2 weeks!!!' Inside me im like 'half-so what?-half oh f---!!'. She looks worried. I'm worried about you!!! I ask her what she means. 'You've never said you love me!!!'. I freeze kidogo and look at the coffee table. I grab her and lay her on my chest.(I always use this trick to avoid eye contact). Nifa? Look!! I didn't want to rush you!!! I hesitated a bit. I didn't know how you'd take it. I mean you sound like a nice person and here I am ....I mean...look at me... I can't match. She shushes me and gives me a light short kiss.

She gets the mince and back at the table she feeds me pole pole. Why is she bembelezaing me like this???
She's sending really mixed emotions today. Is someone pulling her strings?

She later clears the plates and then!!!!! She unleashes the shocker!!!!!!



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Title: Once and for all....but was it worth it???

So today is the big day. All the traps are in place. I’m taking a big risk but hell yeah…that’s what you have to do everyday to keep your head up. You need to play victim a bit to be the villain in the end. I need to know who this kiddo is once and for all.

Picking up from last time….well I managed to find out that he/she/they are probably a script kiddies (new to the game talented but naïve …naïve….naive) No nickname so kazi ya sulubu (hackers do this for the glory). I bang the door shut and put my luggage down. I counter check my set piece. Okay. Step one …this are the odds. Step 2 …having no signature he will fall for this. Wait. If I over secure the sight he will know I’m setting him up and will lay low for a while plus if there’s the risk that if I don’t…probably he has learnt a new trick or two. It takes me a while though before the guy finally realizes a loophole and attempts to exploit it.

Studying his moves ok this guy would pass through a cyber curtain with relative ease. But same old same old...I want him to do more…to show me some new things he’s learnt. He still maneuvering that basic juvenile crap you’d read in “hackers handbook”. You know sapping of bandwidth activity, SYN-floods, Locust-bots. At least now I know it’s one guy not a group…he has very good but very few tricks. Totally harmless and nothing close to that which can disrupt Kenyan List. So probably I won’t need that equipment I had ordered conditionally.

Oh well! Disappointing day…not what I expected to find. I restore the basic security functions and Oh My….he didn’t discover anything more than 30% of the loopholes I had purposely set. Last thing to do before I go to sleep hmmm!!! Fine I’ll write an email to all Klisters and give them kiasi tips on how to secure their passwords a little bit more
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Title: Vitz KBB

Didn’t go out on Friday night nor Saturday night. Twas time to put my feet up. Its been a hectic week for me. I like seating at the base when its drizzling outside. Ooh nice coffee break. The freshly planted lawn should do alright now that the rains are here.

Checking on Klist. I think I’ll continue my hard stance on some bustards. Inca seems to be doing alright though. Yeah Inca the one you are thinking. We had a deal that he stays on Klist as long as he uses a decently low profile handle and tones down on the matusi. His listings look all right. Some entertaining. Ohh! And guys think he is a chic hahaha that. I like the way guys throw there email addresses at “her”. So put your hands up if “she” said lets meet at “place X” then you showd up and sat at the table bembelezaing one soda waiting for a red dress and none happened. You know what? Actually “She” was there, so closed to you and probably took camera phone pics of you or something”

Yesterday I was at stima plaza to sought out some meter problem. So I afterwards popped at Grace Villa and scanned the folks juu juu even though I felt it was a bit too early….. I’ll wait for the listings to see kama bash ilipiga ukuta ama nini!!! I saw some two man.utd hooligans sitting together after a chic excused herself to go kojoa then quietly jumped into a pink* Vitz “KBB” and reversed pole pole.

*Ive sensored the color so that one female klister asipigwe mawe kwa listing zake. KBB lakini.

Hanifa should be coming today with a plot.
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Title: Twisted Metal

I started the gym just the way I had been saying I’ll do. Man painful painful. My abs felt good yesterday but leo this is a joke. Can’t even laugh…some pain keeps stubbing my tummy every time I do. Must be the seat ups.

Damn been cycling for long … should I get another car? Just as I was thinking about that…. crap! I pass by the cop station. I hate that cold chill which passes down my spine every time I see that thing right at the fence. The memory is still fresh in my mind. That was one night I wish I could undo. The rust is already acting on the trunk area. How 8 minutes of madness can just change some lives and end some. It was the night before their last exam. I remember how they felt like they had already graduated. I remember the exact order of tracks in that CD that was playing when it happened. I remember giving away the car keys. I remember that castle lager that was my last ever.

Then I remember seeing the registration plates on TV. I hated the voice on TV. I hated the presenter. Ferk that eyewitness who wore a brown cap. Ferk u Mr. OCPD for calling my late pals spoilt children of privilege before even finding out more details about the car and the occupants. I hate to comprehend how you say they hit that corner at 170kph. How the brand new Subaru legacy struck the concrete at the bridge and disintegrated in midair. How the engine went down the bridge at outer ring rd and how 2 of my cutest friends lay at the back seat with nothing more to do in this cruel world. How the driver was found unconcious down the bridge next to the railway.

The bloodstained pink Reebok shoe at the back seat still haunts me. It’s all I remember from the visit to the cop station the next day. The voice at the back of my neck of an angered relative of theirs who hissed, “He’s the owner of the car….shame!”. How his mom held me up with her left hand as she called for more guys to help her support my weight.

Its 6 years later and all I can say is …..Damn! I love my bike. This 24 speed comer Ella. I’ll ride it like its all I’ve ever had.
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Sato morning

The sound of a jug filling up in the kitchen woke me up. What’s this strange feeling lakini? Why am I on the couch in the seating room…TV on? Hey wait I smell some eggs frying. Perhaps some bacon too?? “Hey big boy? Finally awake huh?” Oh yeah! That voice. That voice was enough to teleport me through 10 different spots in a split of a second before I could then recollect.

She brought the bacon (crap I was really trying to save those) and the eggs and I hog chap chap. “Savage like!” she matters as she gives me a peck on the cheek. She also half eats her plate before taking a quick shower and speeding off in her Audi A6.

Tuesday

Ngets is at my place really early. We gossip a bit. I had called him up to settle a short loan I had taken over Christmas from him. He lets me in on some more details about “that chic” at his office. He is curious about why I’m so inquisitive about her. I shrag it off like no one’s biz. I gather that that was her personal line she had given me. She’s paged anyway what the hell…she must be so so gone. Anyway with all these prospects around I think its time I start body building....again!!!!!

Wednesday
In town most of the day. Hussles are on like crazy. Im packing and weighing some curios to be shipped. I attach some airway bills. That’s at Posta. I dash to DHL (ferk their rates mazee) But some countries only have DHL. Besides its all on my clients expense so WTF?? I keep checking myself on the mirror. I try out a new smile. Hmm!! The AUTO DEACTIVATE function didn’t quite take off. A lot of questionable posts….recyclers. Nothing radicall though so I let them slide. But enough with sending me all the flags guys. What do I look like?? Ban ki Moon?? Crying out loud!!!!

Today Thursday.

Some new equipment coming in. This is to ensure stability in the server. It will also help listers upload bigger stuff faster. I fear for the transition though. Might expose the sight security wise for a few hours. But naah!! The so called hackers (sana sana one minute boy) around here are novices they cant crack open an eggshell given a hammer. One or two guys still attempt though.

Evening

I popped out for a quick milkshake. I then checked out some new magazines and CDs on my way back. Wow tomorrow is Friday??? That flew. I give haniffa a check up call. I spent 80 bob basically saying nothing I hadn’t told her. She’s planning a business trip out of town probably Saturday. Quick jog …..i’m on ebay upto now!!
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Today Jemi was filling in for me. Nice. So I try to catch up with Ngets. I bike over to his office. I gather he’s on some small errand but I decide to chill tu since the secretary is for the idea I do so. She keeps throwing a plastic smile at me every now and then. Plastic I repeat. So I don’t quite follow up. So I slump on the office chair….magazines. Hmmm GQ?? Not my thing. Parents?? Ha-ha. Weekly Review (June 2003) ohhh boy!! Tupike okay I settle for this. She’s eyeballing me and humming some nondescript stuff. “You must be Wandesh yeah??” she mutters. “Yep! How did u…” “save it. he’s always talking about you!” she interjects. “You are one resourceful guy. I like I like.” I give her a adolescent-ish smile and say thanks. She’s by this time resting her chin on her arm and leaning towards my direction. She’s really letting me notice her eyelashes.

So I quickly give her a thorough check. Woi! Chipped nail polish but nice shade nevertheless, expensive perfume, well applied mascara, a nice looking afro, retro necklace matches with the bangle. Damn. I have a thing for fusionists. But the fake twang just does her no justice at all. Reminded me of those yellow-yellow Ghanaian chicks who act mzungu and all. We chat more and I look at those juicy lips which she licks every now and then. Then the phone call...

Shyytte mazee! How could I have forgotten? “Incoming call --- Hanifa”. My mind goes like 3 nights back. I’m too tensed to answer. The call ends. I gather breathe and call back. The gentlest, muskiest, calm and collected female voice you’ll ever want in your ears. “You didn’t call me!” her first words. I excuse myself from the Sec who nods like sasawa!

Me: Hi!
Hanifa: Oh yeah. Hi! Kwani why did u ask for my number? (actually she’s the one who did but I didn’t want to mess things up)
Me: Sorry sorry I’ve been sleeping late…there’s all this…..
Hanifa: Hey come on it’s ok. Just checking up. What you doing this evening coz I’m free after 5 can we catch a quick coffee?? On you!!
Me: Haha nice one but fine with me. Where?
Hanifa: I’ll surprise you.
Me: Say then we…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Me: Hello….

Did she just? Gosh women! She really knows how to play close to the fence. Now I’m evermore interested. As I make my way back to the reception I find the sec on phone. She sought of giggles when I walk in. WTF now? I gesture that I decided to leave impromptu. She just puts a note/card perhaps in my pocket. Then goes on with the telephone conversation like nothing happened. She was standing by this time. Ow ferk does she have a bulge???? Yeah she is…she really is! I put my folded fists on my waist and give her one of those how-did-you-get-that-way smiles. She gestures and I can read her lips “whaaaaaat!”
I jump on my bike and cycle home like Ngets has never existed in my life.

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Was really trying hard not to leave the house unless it was very important. So I did some early morning banking and some light paperwork then got a cheese burger and went back crib. I overshot the time in tao so I had to hurry back to the base. I get the funniest of feelings the moment I check the status on Klist.

Wow….deactivate deactivate deactivate…..this is now becoming fun. I rarely comment on guys postings but today lazima. Guys have guts kweli. Then the highlight of the day. Some one/people are trying to hack into my deal??? Interesting. I do a system check chap chap. Networks, attack spectrum check. Damn this took me a good 10 minutes.

So far I’ve determined its just one guy operating this whole thing. Left no signature has no pattern no style at all….must be a novice. True hackers…no let me call us crackers have an identity. You need a signature so as to make your mark out there. We do this for the glory….to be respected; not for the heck of it. So this dude/chick must reaaaaallly be a newbie at this. So I play victim a bit and throw him some bait and do some facebook-ing while I wait for a fish to enter my net.

I left the house to go buy some credo chatted with a few folks on the way. Came back and had a nice sh** before I came back to my base!!! Nice surprise. He’s falling for everything like a fresha chick being wooed by a 4th year coed. Okay lets see what I caught…attempted sapping of bandwidth activity….a SYN-flood no wait that’s a BUTT-flood coz a simple server green boot was enough to neutralize his moves. ROTFL did he unleash a Locust-bot on me….I miss the days when that was on fashion. P-leeeaaase!!!! A PassJacker??? Hahahaha.

Later on I pick some groceries, check on sis’ kiddo in school. Today was my turn to collect her. We took a different route though. Cribs…hmmm today Uganga beef stew didn’t feel like making any skuma. Besides….there’s some salad in the fridge from sis’ workmate’s baby-shower party.

Spent most of the night downloading movies. I check out the directors cut for “The Horse Whisperer”. Damn who would have thought they’d want to make a movie of that.
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