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Kenyan Women Behaving Badly In Germany
Listing #66737 by ›› Eazy on 17-Aug-2011 1:43 pm . 3,597 views . 7 comments . 124 prints . 1 favorites .  › Flag This Listing
It is an old school German Pub, small and cosy with strange music playing in the back ground. I am sat tucked between two prostitue friends of mine (Linda* and Tina*) and another Kenyan man at one shadowy corner of the pub.

Catherine* is a 30 something year old woman living in a well known German city. Her husband passed away recently. She is sat at the bar, her hands busy caressing Jared* another Kenyan who could be anything up to a decade younger than her. She is a generous woman, Cate, and she has been throwing rounds for everyone at the bar for the past couple of hours. It is early on a Sunday morning so there are not many present. 7 Kenyans, the bartender (Heike), and the odd German or two just about make up the noisy contingent. The last 10 minutes in particular have been especially noisy. Cate and Njeri* (also in her 30s but alcohol has made her look like she could be approaching 50) have been engaging each other in the most shameful of shouting matches. It is hard to tell the origin of the tiff, but it would have to be something Cate must have done to provoke Njeri to retort,

Njeri : 'Unaturingia tu kwa sababu unakula rente ya bwanako' (You are here flaunting your dead husband's pension).
Cate (voice filled with boisterous pride): 'Ehhh, Ninakula rente! Ni ya bwana wangu. 11 years! Buahahahaha. Ehhh ulikuwa wapi hizo elf jahre (11 years) nikiishi na bwanangu? Ehh? Ulikuwa tu nje ukitanga tanga. Buahahaha. Wee hautapata rente!'

One other burst of laughter was enough to reduce Njeri to a stream of tears. Mama Kariuki* (well into her fourties) a matronly woman with a ridiculously big butt and at least 4 children who had erstwhile been standing outside by the window peeping in, promptly makes her way into the bar to act as a peacemaker.

Mama Kariuki (putting her hands round Njeri's shoulder) : Nini mbaya Njeri?
Njeri (still sobbing) : Sasa huyu anasema ati mimi sina maana kwa sababu bwana yangu hajakufa.
Mama Kariuki : Ach wewe, ati hiyo tu? Hata mimi kamze kangu hakajakufa. Usijali.

Mama Kariuki pulls her hands away from Njeri and promptly makes her way across the bar to where Cate is still sat.

Mama Kariuki: Sasa wewe Cate mbona unaambia Njeri hivyo? Wewe ulipata bahati saa wee enjoy tu. Kwanza mimi nimetoka kwako tu saa hizi. Lakini sijakupata nikasema wacha nipitie kwa Mariko* (a different pub) nione kama ningekupata. Lakini sasa mko hapa wacha nibaki nijaribu kazi nione kama nitapata ka 50 ama ka mia hivi.

Cate : Njeri ananiingilia about my dead husband na niliishi na yeye elf jahre. Elf jahre Mama Kimani!

Mama Kariuki : Ahhh kama alisema hivyo hiyo sio mzuri. Wee Njeri nikii kiuru nawe? (followed by a lengthy and tedious Kikuyu tirade.) Mimi kama your big sister nawaambia hakuna haja ya hii yote. Tukae tukunywe tuone kama leo tutabahatika.

At this point the pizzas that Linda* (yet another poko - late 20s) had ordered arrive. She hands one to everyone, except Tina* (a rival pro who is largely considered stingy). Keen to avoid another tiff, I very promptly hand my pizza over to Tina* and mumble something about not being hungry. I was starving, but oh well, I could always rush over to a Turkish kiosk and grab me a Lahmajun (Turkish Pizza). I hurriedly drown my glass of beer and rush to the Turkish kiosk before taking the next train back home. It will probably be another 12 months before I set foot in this City again. One of four particularly notorious 'Kenyan strongholds.'
›› kasuku kasuku  17-Aug-2011, 2:01 pm, reply_589835
This is the life am longing for.
›› kasuku kasuku  17-Aug-2011, 2:05 pm, reply_589839
I cannot wait to destroy those hamburgers at Mcdonaldson, KFC, Burgerking, Subway etc. I would also like to change my skin tone. I know the snow will help me become lighter and smooth. Am so excited about moving to the states.
›› Megdee  17-Aug-2011, 2:21 pm, reply_589846
nice mushene!!! well 11 years is long
›› Eazy  17-Aug-2011, 2:50 pm, reply_589852
But the glee with which she was celebrating her husbands death. And the envy that the other was showing because her own husband wasn't dying. And Mama Kariuki loudly wishing infront of other customers that she is peeved her man is not dying. It was all a bit embarrassing. Not wanting to make it too long, I omitted Tina*s shenanigans. It's comedy. Pitiful, but entertaining at times.
›› Eazy  17-Aug-2011, 2:51 pm, reply_589855
The looks on the German customers' faces were priceless. And the bartender's exasperation lmao!
›› poison  18-Aug-2011, 12:33 am, reply_590062
Kasuku kasuku, tafadhali ishi maisha yako. Have some pride in yourself whenever you are.
›› surgeon  24-Aug-2011, 4:17 pm, reply_592571
ha ha, good writing man. very must have a photographic memory or something, to remember all those details
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