Tots and boots

From Haniffa's point of view

I have been driving for hours and I do not even know where I am going. Last time I ate was yesterday morning. I am over-hooting at guys on the road. Damn you bustard driving a Toyota Premio. Damn you again. I pass by Mombasa road’s c****l centre. I walk into the store and look around. Nice rags for sale, hey an iron box with pink linings. A rack of CDs …. An old album of Mercy Myra, Some Kale Choirs, Children’s Storybook CDs. Not my stuff! Nothing quite. I buy myself chocolates. 2 fudges and a mint choc.

Thirty minutes later, I have driven to Kilimani sides. I branch sides of lavington green. Used to sneak here to grab some smokes in my high school days. Got suspended once. I almost didn’t finish my IB for that! Heady just hurumiad me coz I was among the chops. I was demoted from being a prefect lakini. Right around kidogo I come across my former Primo. Hey! The kids at the slides. I Miss the uniform. I leave the engine running and walk to the fence. Cars are kinda many today (Parents day kumbe). A kid falls at the slides. The mom rushes to her. Cute kid cute mom. She daraz the kid kidogo she starts smiling again…I start smiling. The dad comes too, squats and the three are holding each other. I smile more then suddenly this grey cloud!!! Some heaviness in my mind. Then a voice. “Madam…may I help you?” The toothless watchie. Bloodshot eyes like he hasn’t slept since NARC came to power. I stare at him a bit as memories start registering in my mind. Wait!! I know this guy! He gets a queer twist on his chin as he pockets…steps back a bit then apologizes ashamed as he turns away…pretending not to remember the other night!! I just put both my hands on my head and turn back towards my Audi A8. Balancing tears as I realize who…no….what I had become in under a month. So what am I talking about here!!!!

18 days before – Time 10:30 – Location: Kengeles Bar & Restaurant Waiyaki way

The Impala floodlights have just ended. Don’t know who has won. I am catching a fruit juice. Night is lively. Hecklers all over. Some drank comes over and makes fun of my drink. Dude has a pot and has peed his trousers yellow. I turn around and ignore. A matter of time before some youngish guy comes and grabs his hand says some stuff in conq sheng and leads him away. 2 minutes later “May I have a Bacardi breezer?” “A viceroy tot for the lady.” I’m the only chic at the parapet facing the parking. He comes closer … a hunk BTW!! Same dude who led the drank away….different accent! Now he is twanging kiasi…lil more swag but the lunje influence is selling him out. Vijana wa siku hizi. I flash down the tot say thanks and stay disinterested. He still insists. So I ask him if he thinks he will get into my pants just coz of that. Bill comes and he chucks his waller. A thao in it and a couple of twos. No bias. I’m cool. Then the Nairobi Uni School ID. Woiye Haha. Oh yeah the blue rugby jersey….now I get.

EPISODE - 21

2 hours passed and I don’t know how but the guy got me all laughing loud at some vulgar jokes. Some he stood to add some theatrics. Bartender is getting curious. Now we are taking turns to order the tot raoz. I swing one he mulikaz back. I took charge when it read all over his face that he was on E. Songs tokea and we sing together all loud. I remember hearing Ketchup song! He has corrupted quite a number to be some rugby stuff. Damn you guys corrupting the sanctity of rugby. A game my father played and I could have taken up if I was a jamaa. (I have thighs too …so quit fidgeting on your chair). So he is now talking right at my face. I don’t like it but I keep responding the same way. He kisses my lips once and I pretend nothing happened. We are tipsy but not high. I tell him I’m about to bail. He’s like “I can komboa a cab for you!” I tell him im driving and he goes Owwww!!!! You don’t look!!!” So anyway he walks me to the car. He almost adores it. “Your parents really like you if they can patia you a car to drive around.” (I had cheated him ati I am a fresha in KMU). He asks for “my number”. I gave him a fake one. He is feeling ame achieve. He smiles as he walks away. I pull him back and give him another long snogo this time…not a peck. We kiss for like 15 minutes. Occasionally one or two guys shout something from the bar area. Watchies are bugging us. Then this particular geezer!!! Yeah!! The mzee watchie from my primo!!! The guy who has been in his job for like 20 years!! The guy ako dayshift kwa shule…usiku kwa pub!! What a life!!
So the guy actually threatens to call cops on us. I tukanaad them kiasi and my newly befriended fullback is backing me up on that. I offer to drop the guy wherever since its only a quick dash and I had half a tank anyway.

We fika his place. A hostel bana. U know the ones around YMCA?? Haha! Although he is adamant, I force my way to his room out of curiosity. Caretaker hana noma. He connects some coil-chuma to some live wires on the wall BILA SOCKET and he pimps a quick Milo for me. On the wall…hmm. Posters of Jimwat, Herbal Records graffiti, a Manori. Certificates for 100 metres, Relay yada yada. Haha his full name is Eustace!!!! How does Eustace Ombasso become Stu????? Mopix of Naked chics here and there….. he chucks the grass stained rugby jersey gigagagagaa! I find myself feeling his tattoo to feel if its texture. Nice design (that ka-Moi hand and rungu monument at Uhuru Park). He turns eyebrows raised…. I let go haraka and apologize. “No no its okay” … he says as he wraps his hulk size palms around my waists. I have not been touched like this for over a month. He dims his eyes as he gazes right into my pupils. I’m fumbling knee-deep in his hypnosis. I brush my arm down his chest feeling the crevice right that cut right down it’s middle and the bumps of his chiseled out six park. He violently swipes off the staplers, rulers and pens to clear the way for my fleshy behind, which he uses to lift me to the table top…………

NEXT TIME

Tooooooouch!! Engage! Break!!!!!!

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